I’ve had a lot of time to think about boobs while I’ve been ordered to take it easy the past few days healing my back. All I can see from my horizontal position on the couch are boobs. More specifically, mine. Okay, I can see through the valley of cleavage to watch mindless, boring daytime TV but mostly I see boobs. One of my favorite gal pals and fellow boobs’ owner, Elisabeth Dale, wrote a book all about boobs appropriately titled, bOObs: A Guide to Your Girls. People always gravitate to this book on my crowded book shelves. I wonder why…

While some people complain that the boobs are the first to go when they diet, I am relieved. I am not complaining about being blessed with gigantic jugs, I’m just saying it is easier to wear clothes when my melons are more manageable.

You haters and complainers with small boobs can quit yer whining.  If you need more ta-da in your ta-ta’s just slip into something padded, molded or gel enhanced. Stop wondering about Wonderbras and put one on!

To ensure your girls look their very best, take the time to be properly fitted by a bra expert. I didn’t say some teenager working at Victoria’s Secret, I said bra “expert”. Besides, I think we can all plainly see that Vickie has no secrets. Go to an upscale department store and bare it all to a professional saleswoman who has seen it all. Try on every bra in the store if you have to. Yes, matching panties are a must.

You will more than likely learn that your ratty, stretched-out, favorite bra is completely the wrong size and doing nothing for your knockers. Words like “snug” and “tight” will be used during your fitting. If your bra band slides around your body like a freaking hula hoop, it is not tight enough. Unless the only place you plan to see this lovely, lacey brassiere is around the bedpost, buy a smaller band size! Nuff sed.

Elisabeth says the word on the street is that “E” is the new “C”. If your rack is real, you get what you get but for those of you who want to super size your girls, just add this effective new move to your upper body work out, a boob exercise known as the “push up” bra.

Boobquake might have been a bust, but cleavage didn’t lose any power to attract or distract attention. In an age of fashionable plunging necklines, though, it can be a challenge for women to exercise control over such mammary influence. The Boob Lady is happy to report on a plethora of products that offer both secure and complete coverage.

The Winkee ($17-$20, one size fits all) is a thong-shaped piece of fabric that comes in a variety of styles and easily attaches to your bra. You might also like Chickies ($37, sizes 28A-42F), a cute and colorful bandeau that transforms any too low top into one with greater coverage. Both items are packaged in smart little purse and pocket-friendly bags.

If you’re looking for greater versatility, check out the Camiband ($19.99-$26.99, XS-XL), pictured above. Creator Holly Xerri first designed the stylish strip of stretch lace to obscure “muffin-top,” but users quickly found it doubled as a pretty bust cover. If you’re shy about showing your bum at the beach, it also serves as an adorable bottom wrap. Camibands keep you covered from bust to booty.

No matter your shape or size, every woman can access beautiful and affordable Boobquake insurance. Make it your choice.

It’s Summer, your skin is showing, here are some tips for feeling sexy:

Be In to Your Grooming
Be a little obsessive about your upkeep. Keep your legs shaved if you are into that kind of thing. Give yourself weekly pedicures. Be ready for sex even if you don’t plan on having it. You’ll feel sexier overall if you take time to primp. I once ended up in bed with a woman who kept putting my toes in her mouth–my mid-Summer, high-heel sandal wearing, callous-having, not fit for toe-sucking toes. This could happen to you. Be prepared.

Don’t Criticize Yourself
How much time do you spend wishing you were thinner or hating parts of your body? Get over it.  You are wasting your life worrying about things that no one else would judge you for. Silence your inner critic. If you don’t like something about yourself, accept it and let it go. Get into the things you do like, like the way Courtney Love got in to her Kegels and bedroom skills. Being open minded and adventurous in bed is the hottest thing in the world.

You Need Cute Knickers and Bras That Fit
Go through your underwear drawer and start a panty improvement project. You know perfectly well that you’ve got a bunch of worn out chonies that you keep around for laundry days. Toss them. Get rid of anything worn out. If all your knickers are sexy you’ll never get caught unprepared and wearing ugly grandma panties. How about your bras, do they fit? I once interviewed Elizabeth Squires, the author of bOObs: A Guide to Your Girls and the first thing she said to me was that my bra didn’t fit. She has cupdar. She could tell, through my blouse, that I was a C cup trying to stuff my rack into a B cup. This is just as important if you’re on the butcher side. Cleavage spilling out over the top of your sports bra is not a good look.

Mammography is one of the most effective methods to screen for and detect early stages of breast cancer. Yet there are still plenty of barriers preventing access to this life-saving technology, including an ability to pay for the test. Since the national average cost of a mammogram is $150, it can be quite a financial stretch for those without health insurance.

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and to remind all women to schedule an annual mammogram, Hologic has launched a new patient outreach initiative at www.promisetome.com. For every ten women who make the pledge to get a mammogram on their calendars, Hologic will donate $1 towards screening an uninsured woman. If you or a loved one can’t afford a mammogram, the Promise To Me website lists a number of ways to obtain low-cost or free mammograms.

Make the promise to yourself, or pass the pledge on to the breasts closest to you. One click of your mouse helps spread the love!

Need some support? Enter to win an autographed copy of bOObs: A Guide to Your Girls at The Luxury Spot. Guaranteed to perk up your “girls” or those of someone you love. Don’t delay, as the bOObs giveaway ends Friday, September 4th!

Summer is in full swing, but you might not be heading to the pool or beach because last year’s suit looks a little tired or tattered. Before you go to the store, keep in mind that – unlike bras — bathing suits are not just about our boobs: they expose the entire package. Regardless of body type, most women dislike shopping for swimwear. (Studies show that the act of trying on a swimsuit makes women more anxious and depressed and reduces their score on math tests. You are definitely not alone if you dread the experience.)

Here are some tips for getting the most out of any purchase:

• The earlier in the season, the more choice in styles and sizes. If you’re getting a late start, don’t freak if you can’t find the perfect fit. You may just have to shop around.
• Check the calendar to ensure you’re nowhere near your monthly menstrual cycle. (No use aggravating any potential PMS symptoms with shopping frustrations.) Also avoid any shopping outing after you’ve eaten a big meal.
• Enlist the help of trusted and similarly built breast friends. There’s nothing worse than having all those suits you don’t dare try on look impossibly perfect on another person’s pair (or rear).
• Choose flattering styles for your body type. If your breasts are the favorite part of your anatomy, play them up. If you have wonderfully long legs, work to highlight your great gams. Got a teensy waist? Show it off! It’s not all about the boobs when it comes to feeling comfortable in the scant amount of coverage provided by today’s fashionable swimwear.
• Avoid swimsuit catalogs filled with page after page of perfectly coifed, cloned body types. If it’s too late, and you’ve already overexposed your powerful female psyche to such unrealistic images (remember: even the models don’t look like their retouched photos), give yourself an immediate reality check. Go to the nearest swimming pool or beach and observe some real people without “perfect” physiques. It may even inspire you to temporarily put off your shopping expedition and just put on last year’s suit so you can get busy having fun in the sun.

P.S. Please don’t forget the sunscreen. It’s more critical in keeping “the girls” looking their best than any stylish bikini!

Want to get “the girls” into their best shape this summer? One easy way is to dress them for success. You may know your bra size, but given the variety of styles and fabrics, some makes and models support your unique “girls” better than others. Here are six quick dressing room tips to determine which bra fits you best:

1. Hook up. Fasten your bra on the loosest (first) hook. As the bra wears and the fabric loosens, you’ll still be able to adjust by using the second or third set of hooks.

2. Fill up. Lean over and make sure you’ve got all your tissue in the cups. Your breasts should fill up the cup, not spill out the top or the sides. Note: when trying on underwire bras, make sure the wire is sitting on your ribcage (bone), rather than your breast tissue. If the cups look wrinkled, try a smaller band size, not a smaller cup size, first. Do the same when not filling up the more padded bra styles.

3. Strap Up. Adjust the straps so they are laying flat against your shoulders but are not indenting your skin. Remember that everyone has two different sized breasts, so you may need to adjust straps at differing levels. Note: if after this step your bra rides up in back, try a smaller size band or loosen the straps.

4. Stand up. Turn sideways and look at yourself in the mirror. The back band of the bra should be at the same level as the front band of the bra. And the very center front of the bra should rest flat against your breast bone. Where should your breasts be? Level with your triceps. Hint: If you rest the palm of your hand on your stomach, your breasts should be situated halfway between your shoulder and your elbow.

5. Suit Up. Once you’ve found the right fit, redress for success! That’s right, make sure you like the way the bra looks underneath your clothes. If you’re not happy, you still have the chance to find something that looks better! 

6. Match Up. Found a bra you love? Love the way it makes you look? Buy three or four pairs of panties to complement its fabric or style. Don’t go to all the trouble of making your girls looks good without remembering to properly accessorize!

All boobs are unique in size, shape, and volume. Yet women must dress their breasts in less than a custom fit. Standard bra cups, under wires, and sizing can’t take into account the various ways our mammaries morph. Most women are forced to buy off-the-rack for their original “racks.” Pattern maker and clothing designer Don McCunn has a solution for crafty gals seeking the perfect breast supporter. McCunn has written an eBook and teaches an on-line class in how to make custom-fit bras. Given the price of most manufactured bras (anywhere from $25 to $150), his approach is a real bargain. The class is $50; eBook is $25, materials run $12, and McCunn’s Yahoo support group is free. Happy and comfortable boobs: priceless. (Don’t delay, though, as his bra making class is offered only once a year, and the next one begins May 11th.)